Cheese is what happens when milk decides to have a legacy — and humans have been helping it along since before writing existed. Fifteen questions. Cover the answers, lock in each guess, and keep score; the wheel of judgment turns for everyone.

How far back does hard evidence of cheesemaking go?

More than 7,000 years — pottery sieves found in Poland still carried milk-fat residue from straining curds.

What did archaeologists find in the Egyptian tomb of Ptahmes in 2018?

A solid 3,200-year-old cheese — among the oldest ever recovered. Reviews were not requested.

Where must Roquefort be aged to legally carry the name?

In the natural Combalou caves of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon, France — it was the first cheese protected by France's appellation system in 1925.

What are the holes in Swiss cheese actually called?

Eyes — bubbles of carbon dioxide left by bacteria during aging. A Swiss cheese without any is called «blind».

Which Italian bank accepts wheels of Parmigiano-Reggiano as loan collateral?

Credito Emiliano — its climate-controlled vaults hold hundreds of thousands of wheels while the loans mature along with the cheese.

What makes Sardinia's casu marzu the world's most notorious cheese?

It's deliberately riddled with live maggots, which do the fermenting — and it's banned from commercial sale under EU food rules.

What is generally cited as the most expensive cheese in the world?

Pule, made from Balkan donkey milk at a single Serbian reserve — roughly $600 a pound, because it takes about 25 liters of scarce donkey milk to make one kilogram.

What do people chase down Cooper's Hill in Gloucestershire every year?

A wheel of Double Gloucester — which can hit around 70 mph on the way down. The cheese nearly always wins.

What did Andrew Jackson do with a 1,400-pound block of cheddar in 1837?

Threw open the White House and let the public eat it — the crowd finished it in about two hours, and the smell reportedly lingered far longer.

What cheesy wedding gift did Queen Victoria receive in 1840?

A cheddar wheel weighing over half a ton, from a group of proud West Country dairy farmers.

Which cheese overtook cheddar as America's most consumed?

Mozzarella — pizza did that, one pie at a time.

What is a cheese connoisseur called?

A turophile. The corresponding fear of cheese — a real, documented phobia — is turophobia.

The Moon being made of «green cheese» — what did green actually mean?

Fresh and unaged, not the color. The old saying mocked gullibility: only a fool thinks the Moon is a young cheese.

Charles de Gaulle reportedly complained about governing a country with how many cheeses?

246 — though the number changes with every retelling, which is very on-brand for France's cheese count.

Why can many lactose-intolerant people eat aged parmesan?

Long aging breaks down the lactose — hard, well-aged cheeses contain almost none.

If you knew the blind Swiss, the maggot cheese, and the bank that pays interest in patience and parmesan, congratulations — you're the big cheese, and this article is legally required to say so.